my journey to health

One of the girls in our shape shift class takes a zumba class, so because we had no class this week, a friend and I went along to try it out!!! Wow!! I had no idea that hips could even do those kind of movements – well mine can’t but jesus sylwia’s can. I am one of the most unco people you are ever likely to met, I cannot dance, I have absolutely no rythym whatsoever, unless I am drunk, when I am drunk I think I am john freakin travolta!!!
So I lumbered around the hall, attempting in vain to follow what she was doing, which was damn near impossible, her moves looked amazing, coordinated and sexy, mine were nothing of the kind, and jesus it was hard, 30 mins down we looked at the clock and thought fuck we still have a half hour to go!! We were tired, thirsty, sweaty and confused!!!

What a workout though, I don’t think there was a single part of my body that did not get a workout, and seriously sylwia is amazing if you get the chance head to the hobsonville primary hall on a mon or wed night at 7.30.

So today I nurse a very sore knee and a very sore shoulder, I don’t think my body is quite up to the twisting and turning of zumba yet but it was a lot of fun and I imagine after a few times and learning the moves it would get a lot easier !!!

So today marked the end of another shape shift block, it was 7 weeks this time, but 5 for me as I did miss the first two!! So when I started shape shift I weighed 142.7 kilos, at the start of this block I weighed 140.6 kilos, today I weighed in at 135.5 so I am pretty pleased with myself, I am very, very pleased that I hit the 1.5 kilo target given to us by mike as those who didn’t he took in his car and dropped them off 4 kms away, they had to run back carrying a slam ball, I will ensure I never miss one of his targets!!

I am a little nervous however about next week , we have a week off, no class at all, till the next block starts, now last time I looked forward to the break, in fact I counted down till the break, but this time I am not so happy about it, without mikes classes I am at a bit of a loss as to what to do as nothing I do myself pushes me as far as he pushes me and I know it is only a week but I know how easy it is to fall back into old habits and how hard it is to get back on track, so I guess this week will be all about making myself do something and not be a lazy ass!!

Now because I did so well I decided to treat myself after class and I went to the chocolate shop and I bought a white chocolate mocha and I am sitting here sipping it slowly hoping it will last for ever, for those of you who have never tried one, you need to, you need to go to dangerous chocolate in te atatu south and you need to try one. The only way I can begin to describe this little cup of heaven is it is like drinking an orgasm!!!

4 years ago I sat with a dear friend drinking vodka as she mourned the loss of her husband who was killed whilst at work, this week I sat with her again drinking vodka whilst she mourned the loss of her father, who died suddenly after a routine operation. I love this women, she is pretty damn awesome and we have a lot of fun together, but she has been through a lot, her children have now lost the two most important men in their lives and it breaks my heart that she and her family has to go through this heartache all over again. Sometimes life is truly unfair and it always seems to happen to the good ones unfortunately!!

So of course the last two days have been really bad for me, I missed wed class as I was up north with her and we drunk alcohol and we ate lollies and chips and dip and mcdonalds cheeseburgers and today my stomach is killing me I am paying for eating food that I have not eaten for a while and I deserve to pay for it, apart from feeling sick I feel a bit pissed off that I let myself be that person I used to be even if it was for only 2 days, I will be highly pissed off if it shows on the scales on saturday my final weigh in for the end of this lot of shape shift, so today I am detoxing and fingers crossed it will all be good!!

Today I take back the apology about swearing!! Today I wanted to actually punch him!! Why?? Because today we took too long going up the hill and the fucker made us do burpees not one burpee not 10 burpees 30 fuckin burpees!!! Now those of you who are also fat will understand why I wanted to knock him out. It is almost impossible to do a burpee at this size, my burpees consisted of  me bending down and walking my feet backwards it was hard and uncomfortable and I hated it, and he made me do every last one of them!!

So today  my post is not upbeat or positive or  happy about how well I am doing, today  I dislike my trainer and I really, really hate burpees

A week of pain that is!! Jesus I don’t think there has been a day i have not hurt this week, it started with mondays class which consisted of this

100 jumping jacks

50 crunches

20 tricep dips

15 squats

20 lunges (each leg)

20 calf raises

5 push ups

30 sec plank

run the hill

It was hard, bloody hard, I managed it almost three times, I missed the last plank and push ups but he still made me do the hill!! The next day everything and I mean everything hurt there were muscles in places I didn’t even know had muscles that hurt. The jumping jacks were the killers, The first 50 I managed in sets of 10 the last 50 sets of 5 and fuck they hurt, the other girls managed to do it 4 times, there is no way I could have!!!

Wednesday we did boxing thank god, I love boxing its not really like doing a workout it goes so quickly! Oh then he made us lunge up that hill, yep sore legs again thursday. Then friday I met ness at the stadium to run the track, now the most I have ever run is a straight and a curve so basically 200m, well I managed the whole track this time, then we walked half and ran another 100m I was very stoked with myself, massive achievement considering when I started this journey I couldn’t even run 100m.
I would like to just stop for a minute and thank vannessa, I know I have said it before but she is so awesome, she is such an encouragement, she has stuck by me through this whole thing, tolerated my slowness at the gym, jogged and walked with me slowly round that track when she can do 3 x as much as I can, she has stuck with me in classes so I am not the last person to finish and she pushes me when I need pushing, it is really nice to have someone who always has your back no matter how lazy you are being!!

Anyhow saturdays class, jesus  that was hideous we did it in pairs and one had to jog the driveway whilst the other did the exercise then swap over until we had done 100 of each exercise. Poor sandy got teamed up with me, and god bless her for doing extra leg raises and caterpillars to save me having to do them!! Today my arms and shoulders are in agony, I hope they calm down before class tomorrow because the thought of exercising again is not pleasant. I also had to apologise to mike as I did swear at him yesturday, usually I manage to keep it in my head or say it under my breath or even hang him the fingers inside my boxing gloves but yesturday those caterpillars earned him a fuck you!! And I felt really bad about it enough so I had to apologise after the fact, though apparently I am not the first, nor will I be the last!

I freakin love my shape shift girls they are so awesome, I love that we have a good laugh, that we enjoy our classes together and each others company, I love that the classes are small enough we all get to know each other and you not just a faceless person in a crowd of 30 others at the gym. Mike put this on his page today and I could not agree with him more, the atmosphere is awesome, the people are awesome

one thing you will notice about the classes I take and the woman that do them , this is not a gym as such where you have to look your best, you wont see any woman here with fancy gears and no ideas , their is nobody here that you have to impress, their are no mirrors , their are no fancy posters , their are no attitudes, what we do have is a great bunch of ladies that support each other in their training , we laugh we cry , we work out , we have fun . I am here to guide you and push you where need be and your support network are the ladies in your group to tell you, …. YOU CAN DO IT.

And just to end with I weighed myself at the gym on friday another 3 kilos down!!!!

So have noticed quite a bit of improvement lately, things I couldn’t do before that suddenly I can now – the first, I went to the gym with friends last week and there is this machine thingy, no idea what it is called but you stand up on it with your arms at right angles, brace yourself with your arms then lift your feet off and pull your knees up, so your arms are holding all your weight. Well my friend ness throws herself around on it and I tried it once, laughed and laughed cause I couldn’t even take my own weight I literally could not take my feet of the bar and hang. So the other day I thought what the hell, I’m up for a laugh, so I tried it again, Well what do you know I took my feet off and I hung there, sweet as!!! Then ness told me to pull my knees up, again we laughed thinking hell no way can I do that – 5 times, 5 fuckin times I pulled my knees up and back down again whilst hanging there, I was so stoked I went back later and did it again just in case the first time was a fluke lol.

So in class he makes us do leg raises, now leg raises hurt, they mainly hurt my back and I hate them, to start with I could do one, barely, then if I did them fast I could rock out 5, the other day we did them and I did 10 in a row, nice and slowly, freakin stoked, and same with sit ups, I could only do a couple with my legs in the air and thank god mike lets me cheat and do them with my feet down, but the other day I managed two sets with my legs up and about 5 sets in managed almost a whole nother set. So I am getting, better, stronger and fitter, it is so good to see progress!!!

Last week I was sick, so blimmin sick, everything hurt, at one stage lying down was agony as my hips and legs were so sore, I was pretty damn pleased mike was away and there was no class, but on monday for some messed up reason I cannot explain, I went to class, I was really sick, my chest was really sore, breathing was not a simple task, but I went, I felt dizzy and everything was aching, I felt like I had smoked 100 cigarettes and couldn’t catch my breath, and I made it about 2/3 of the way through class before he told me to just sit on the bike!!! And I was glad he did, especially the next day when I was sore, to think I could have been even sorer! So this class has become such a habit, such a normal part of life I go regardless. I find myself telling people I can’t do things as I have class, whereas before i would have thought up reasons not to go to class so I could do other things!!

I am part of a group on facebook and I read peoples posts sometimes and it makes me really sad, people getting upset because they haven’t lost this week, people complaining that they only lost 900g, people weighing themselves every single day. I hate this. I hate the emphasis on weight, i just want to scream at them and say weigh yourself once a month, not every day, not every week, there is bound to be disappointment if you weigh yourself that often, hell I used to do that, and when you work hard and diet hard and then lose only 200g or put on 200g it deflates you and you think fuck that, why?? All that effort for that! And you just give up, only to start the same cycle again in a month or two. I am so glad I got out of that phase, I am so glad that weight holds very little importance in my life now, I love that I measure my achievements by the exercise I am now capable of doing or the way my clothes fit and if a few kilos happened to have dropped that is just a bonus.
I hate that some trainers and nutritionists and diet folk, put so much emphasis on the scales. I get there needs to be a measure of success but I wish they would do it by measurements rather than weight. When I joined the gym, I was told he didn’t care how much weight I lost as long as over time, my weight went downwards not upwards, I was stoked, finally someone who didn’t expect you to lose a certain ammount per week.

Now this 6 weeks mike has set us a goal, 1.5 kilos, you know what I am good with that, that is not a big ask, it is not an impossible goal it is a realistic achievable goal – and I think every woman so far has hit it already!!

Today I am grateful that I am able to still straighten my arms after the mean arm workout yesturday – love doing weights, and I am highly amused that poor cousin loren can barely move hers!!